Game of Thrones Spin-Off Showcase

Spin-off. Is there any word more thrilling to the human soul?

Not long ago, the HBO network approached the producers of “Game of Thrones” with a simple request: 35 new shows to fill a few holes in their programming lineup. That’s a pretty daunting task. And the producers weren’t up to it. Instead, they churned out 12 “Game of Thrones” spinoffs, transferring already-popular characters into new locales and situations.

Here’s what’ll be soon coming to a pay cable station near you:

The two hardest things Walder Frey has to do are to keep his huge family in line — and remember all their names.

1) “All In The Twins”: Expect nothing from Walder Frey and you’ll never be disappointed. This cantankerous old man is good at two things: surviving and procreating. Follow the hilarious adventures of Walder and his massive brood of more than 100 Freys. There’s a new Frey for any situation the plot requires, including Edwin, the long-suffering heir; the hapless, disaster-prone Merrett; and Joyeuse, Walder’s 16-year-old bride-to-be. He’s had seven marriages before her, and Joyeuse knows she has more to look forward to than just managing Walder and his countless descendants — because Walder Frey’s wedding receptions are remembered for years to come.

2) ”Ultimate Bloodrider”: Two men enter. One man claims the crown — the other takes the black. It’s the blood-splattering, armor-smashing, no holds barred royal rumble to determine once and for all who is the greatest warrior in all of Westeros. Will it be Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane — or his brother Sandor “The Hound” Clegane? Brienne “The Beauty” of Tarth, Oberyn “The Red Viper” Martell, Baristan “the Bold” Selmy or Jaime “Kingslayer” Lannister? It could be any of the above — or someone else! On Ultimate Bloodrider, no one is safe.

3) “Imping with Tyrion Lannister”: Westeros’ favorite irreverent wit, Tyrion Lannister, interviews the biggest stars of the land in his hit late-night talk show. With sidekick and announcer Bronn, and music by house band Shagga Likes Axes, famous for their hit single “Cut Off His Cock And Feed It To The Goats.”

Right: Tyrion (right) and his sidekick Bronn perform one of their hilarious comedy sketches.

4) “The Baratheon Group”: Our expert panel of political analysts dissects and debates the Westerosi news of the day. Featuring host Renly Baratheon and panelists Varys, Tywin Lannister, Olenna Tyrell and Greatjon Umber.

5) “Whose Iron Throne Is It Anyway?” The hit reality show is back for another season. Follow your favorite houses – Stark, Lannister, Baratheon, Greyjoy and Targaryen — as they compete in challenges and try to earn immunity from the climactic moment at the end of every episode when the audience votes are tallied and the lowest vote-getter is beheaded.

6) “Jorah Mormont’s Exiled”: Ser Jorah can’t go home — so follow him on his travels around the world. He’ll be your expert guide as he learns about foreign cultures, samples traditional cuisine, flirts with local women and rumbles with the meanest warriors to be found from Bear Island to the Shadow Lands beyond Asshai.

Ser Jorah Mormont samples a local wine during his travels to the Dothraki Sea.

7) “The Cersei Lannister Show”: Like the biggest stars, only one name is necessary for Cersei, the queen of daytime talk for 15 years running. Featuring segments like Cersei’s Book Club (popularizer of best-sellers like “Lineages and Histories of the Great Houses of the Seven Kingdoms”), Tuesdays with Grand Maester Pycelle, beauty tips from Margaery Tyrell, and surprises that will always keep you on the edge of your seat. Who can forget the time every audience member received a new horse, or Cersei’s tearful on-air revelation of her short-lived first child?

8) “Stark and Littlefinger: Private Eyes”: Two men take on the mean streets of King’s Landing with their private detective agency: tough, by-the-books Ned Stark, and fast-talking, street-smart Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish. Can they set aside their long-running squabbling — not least for the love of the beautiful Catelyn — to solve the most diabolical crimes the kingdom has to offer?

Right: One plays by the rules. The other makes his own rules. Together, they’re cleaning up King’s Landing.

9) “Hodor and the Direwolves”: Westeros’ favorite Godsday morning cartoon follows the adventures of the lovable Hodor and his direwolf friends Ghost, Grey Wind, Summer, Lady, Nymeria and Shaggydog. Watch as they explore distant lands, escape ferocious monsters and learn the true value of friendship — and finish early enough to make it back for storytime with Old Nan.

10) “Syrio Forrell’s Water Dancing Live”: International master Syrio dances to timeless Braavosi masterpieces like “Cat Catches the Canary” and “The First Sword of Braavos Never Runs!”

11) ”Cook Like a Khal”: Join your host Khal Drogo as he shares with you the best ways to prepare boar, goat, horse, pony, mule, and horse with secret Dothraki herbs and spices.

Left: Khal Drogo prepares to carve up a delicious horsemeat roast.

12) “Robert and Son”: Robert is a stubborn, argumentative 35-year-old man, over-fond of a good goblet of wine. Joffrey is his feisty, frustrated and immature 13-year-old son. Laughs abound as the two share misadventures with women, struggle through Robert’s daytime job as king of a fractious collection of fiefdoms, and run for safety after damaging Old Man Arryn’s prized castle in one of Robert’s get-rich-quick schemes.

Note: Thanks to Cliff Moore for help compiling the list. My apologies to The Simpsons and my other parody targets. I also owe a debt of inspiration to several different critics whose reviews and commentary on “Game of Thrones” joked about a desire to see one character or another get a spinoff show of their own. The idea is not mine, merely most of the execution. You can also check out my thoughts on the HBO “Game of Thrones” series as of partway through the first season. -DHM